A teenager suddenly becomes violent, his anger towards women fuelled by online influencers, while his parents struggle to process what their son is capable of.
Does this sound familiar?
It’s the story of the hit drama Adolescence – but for Jess and Rob, it’s their life.
Their 14-year-old son Harry’s violence has escalated so rapidly he’s had to be taken into care. We’ve changed all their names to protect their identities.
Until the age of 12, Harry’s parents say he was a “wonderful” son. But they saw a change in his personality, which they believe was sparked by an incident when he was hit by a girl. Soon, he developed an online interest in masculine power and control.
“Harry became obsessed with being strong, and I think he developed a difficulty around certain female people because of the assault,” Jess says.
“He had to be in charge… in every setting,” Rob adds.
Then one night, he punched his mother, Jess. His parents called the police in the hope it would shock him out of doing it again. But, as time went on, the violence escalated.
“We probably must have called the police over 100 times,” Rob says.
One attack was so serious, Jess ended up in hospital. The violence spilled outside the home too as Harry assaulted neighbours and friends.
Then he threatened to stab a teacher.
“Every time we think it can’t get any worse, something else happens and it does get worse,” Rob says. “Unfortunately, him getting hold of a knife is quite likely to happen.”
They say Adolescence, which stars Stephen Graham, Ashley Walters and Owen Cooper, touched a nerve.
“My worst fear is that he’s going to end up killing one of us,” says Jess. “If not us, then somebody else…”
It’s a shocking thought for any parent to have. As well as contacting police, the family have tried many times to get help from social services and the NHS for Harry’s deteriorating mental health.
“We’ve been told that we’re using too many resources and accessing too many services,” Rob says. “We tried for 18 months to get him more intensive therapeutic help. At every turn it was ‘no, no, no’.”
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They have found help with an organisation called PEGS that supports parents who are victims of their own children’s violence.
Last year it was contacted by over 3,500 families, a 70% increase on 2023. Founder Michelle John says many families struggle to have their concerns taken seriously.
“What we’re hearing time and time again is that referrals are not being picked up because thresholds aren’t being met and perhaps the parent or caregiver isn’t a risk to the child,” she says. “Families are falling through gaps.”
In some parts of the country, local organisations are attempting to fill those gaps. Bright Star Boxing Academy in Shropshire has children referred by schools, social workers and even the police.
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Joe Lockley, who runs the academy, says the problem is services that deal with youth violence are “inundated”.
“The biggest cause of the violent behaviour is mental health,” he says. “They lack that sense of belonging and control, and it’s quite easy to gain that from the wrong crowd and getting involved in violence.
“Social media is having a huge impact, especially around that young person’s identity.”
Ethan, 18, agrees. He joined the academy aged 14. By then he had already been arrested several times for getting into fights.
He believes bullying sparked anxiety and depression. “Someone could look at me, I’d be angry,” he says.
“Social media – that’s definitely a massive part. You’ve got so many people that are living this material life. They’ve got loads of money.
“My main thing was seeing people with amazing bodies – I felt I couldn’t reach that point and it made me self-conscious, which would add on to the anger which then turned to hatred towards other people.”
Without the support of the boxing academy, he believes, he wouldn’t have been able to turn his life around.
“I would either be in prison or I would have done something a lot worse to myself,” he says.
“It’s just this massive mess in your head where you’ve got a million thoughts at once – you don’t know what to think or how to even speak sometimes,” he adds.
“All we need is someone that’s got the time for us… and the understanding that it’s a war in our heads.”
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A government spokesperson told Sky News: “We have seen too many preventable tragedies caused by the failings of mental health services, and it’s unacceptable that young people have not been getting the care and treatment they need to keep them, their families and the wider public safe.
“We are working to ensure children and their families get that help. We are investing over £50m to fund specialist support in schools, launching a Young Futures hub in every community, and providing access to a specialist mental health professional in every school in England.”
Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email [email protected] in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK
