Sitting in her favourite armchair, looking out at the autumnal colours in the field, Ed is blunt about her situation.
“I’d say my life, as I’ve known it, is very definitely over. It’s definitely gone.”
Just four weeks earlier, the 82-year-old had been at the wheel of her camper van, relishing the winter bowling season and volunteering.
Then came the diagnosis of an aggressive and inoperable brain tumour and a prognosis of just weeks to live.
‘I should have a choice’
Although it will come too late for her, Ed, who asked that we not use her surname, was determined to speak out in favour of the assisted dying bill making its way through parliament.
She is concerned about what her last weeks – like others in her situation – will look like.
“Looking at my life, for however long it is now, which I’m told isn’t actually to be very long, it’s not my life, I’m not going to be in control of it,” she said.
“This malignant growth in my brain is going to choose for me.
“I’m mainly concerned with me losing my identity of me. I have always tried to live my life with self-respect and dignity, and I don’t know whether I’m going to have self-respect and dignity.
“I feel I should have a choice. I feel that it should be me who says ‘Well I think I’ll get off this bus now. I’ve reached where I want to go to, and I’m quite happy, I’ve had a good life’.”
Read more: Why is assisted dying controversial?
The Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill, currently being scrutinised in the House of Lords, would permit a person who is terminally ill and with less than six months to live to legally end their life.
Opponents of the legislation – which peers are debating today – have raised concerns about the safety of vulnerable people and the risk of coercion, and a change in attitudes toward the elderly, seriously ill and disabled.
“I accept that there are vulnerable people but the people who are looking after them are the ones that will have to be honest and make the choices, as they already will do for vulnerable people,” said Ed.
“I don’t want other people to restrict my choice. I’m perfectly capable of deciding for me.”
She said the option of travelling abroad to a clinic to die would mean leaving her home and family to die alone, not something she contemplated.
“I think it should be made easier for people and their families to all be able to deal with it,” she added.
“That’s my wish for other people in the future, that it would be an organised, dignified way where people could talk over with their families and decide what is the best thing.”
“Dying shouldn’t be a horrific thing. I think most of us aren’t afraid of death. We’re afraid of what we have to go through before death,” said Ed.
“I think that’s the majority of people feel like that. And so what you’re saying here is: ‘We’re not going to let you have a peaceful death. We’re going to make you go through something before you get there.’ And that’s not fair.”
A final farewell
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In the days after we spoke, Ed planned her own funeral and enjoyed a kitchen disco at her home. It had been on her bucket list to dance one more time.
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“I’m very realistic, it’s no good weeping and wailing about it. Some people have hard times all their lives. I’ve had a wonderful life, and if this is my hard time in my life, I’ve just got to face it and accept it.
“We’re going to have a kitchen disco next Friday, and we should be able to do that then say ‘goodbye’. That would be fine.”
